Who Pays for What Now? Money Scripts for Modern Families

Figuring out who pays for a wedding can feel complicated, especially when families don’t fit the old “bride’s side” and “groom’s side” model. Today’s weddings include blended families, multiple parental figures, same-sex couples, solo-paying couples, family groups pooling resources and everything in between.

This guide breaks down what couples and families actually do today, plus helpful scripts to keep money conversations calm and clear.

Modern Approaches to Wedding Expenses

The traditional idea that one family covers everything is largely gone. Most couples now create a contribution plan that reflects real life rather than outdated etiquette. Below are the models you’ll come across most often.

1. The Traditional Route (Still Exists, Just Rare)

Historically, one side of the family paid for the bulk of the wedding. Today, this still happens occasionally but usually because that family voluntarily offers, not because etiquette expects it.

2. Equal Split Between Families

Both families choose to contribute the same amount. This creates balance and removes awkward pressure if one side has more resources than the other.

3. Flexible, Capacity-Based Contributions (Most Common Today)

Everyone contributes what they can, including the couple. One parent may cover catering, another might offer a set amount, the couple covers the rest.
This model works well for blended families, step-parents and families with different financial situations.

4. Couple-Pays-All (Increasingly Common)

Many couples prefer the independence of covering most or all costs themselves and inviting family to contribute only if they wish.

What Parents Commonly Pay for Today

There are no fixed rules, but these are the patterns that come up most often:

Rehearsal dinner or welcome event is commonly offered by one side of the family, but any person or group can host it.
Outfits for the couple or for children/stepchildren in the wedding party are sometimes covered by parents if they choose.
Accommodation or travel support for relatives occasionally comes from the hosting side, though not expected.
Specific items like flowers, bar upgrades or décor are sometimes “gifted” by parents who want to take something off the couple’s plate.

Everything is optional. No one “has to” pay for anything.

Setting a Realistic Wedding Budget

Step 1: Have a “number first, items second” conversation

Agree on the total available amount before deciding who pays for which items.

Step 2: Decide what matters most

Allocate higher percentages to areas you care about most such as food, photography or music.

Step 3: Track contributions clearly

Use a shared Google Sheet, a planner or an app to keep track of:

Who offered what
What has been paid
Where remaining costs sit

This avoids assumptions and keeps everyone aligned, especially when multiple parental figures are involved.

Helpful Money Conversation Scripts

Talking about money is uncomfortable for almost everyone. These scripts keep it simple and respectful.

When a Parent or Family Member Wants to Offer Help

“Just so you know, we’d love to contribute £____ toward the wedding. Use it in whatever way supports your plans best.”

“We’d really like to cover the ____ for you, if that would help. No pressure, just let us know.”

When Setting Clear Financial Limits

“We’re excited for you and want to help. We’re able to contribute £____ and need to keep to that number.”

“We’re happy to take care of , but we need to stick to a budget of £.”

When You Need to Ask About Possible Contributions

“We’re starting to plan the budget and wanted to check what you feel comfortable contributing, if anything. No expectations at all. We just want clarity so we can plan responsibly.”

Modern Rehearsal Dinner Norms

The rehearsal dinner has shifted a lot. Today, it’s simply a small gathering hosted by whoever wants to host.

Modern norms include:

Any host is fine: one side of the family, both sides together, friends or even the couple.
Any format: restaurant meal, garden party, pizza night, pub gathering, backyard BBQ, rooftop drinks.
Guest list is flexible: wedding party, close family and out-of-town guests are most common, but keep it small so the wedding day still feels special.

Avoiding “Strings Attached” Contributions

Money can become complicated quickly if expectations aren’t clear.

To keep things healthy:

Clarify the intention

“This contribution is a gift. It doesn’t come with any expectations about decisions.”

Confirm boundaries before accepting help

“We really appreciate the offer. Before we say yes, can we chat through what you envision the contribution covering and whether there are any preferences we should be aware of?”

Gently reinforce autonomy

“We’re grateful for the support. We’ll keep you updated, but we still want to make decisions that feel right for us.”

Modern Wedding Expenses

There is no longer a “correct” way to divide wedding expenses. The best approach is the one that feels fair, realistic and respectful for your specific family setup. With open conversations and clear boundaries, you’ll shape a plan that supports the day you want while keeping relationships strong.